deathdeathdeath lunch deathdeath afternoon tea deathdeathdeath quick shower

ozz!

2012-02-14T15:27:00.001+08:00

Yay updating from Brisbane! Just done with the first day of pre orientation. Not too bad. Just need to be more social. Navigating the place well, the maps and system is rather good if PRICEY. Damn pricey. Can't wait for Thursday when I'll get my student concession. DiZZY UPDATING on the bus. Peaceout!

2012-01-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

finalizing a few more things for the move to brisbane. this includes handling the shit ton amount of clothing and shoes i apparently have. holy shit. the more boxes and closet doors i open, the more things i find. like i have this boots box #1, #2, #3 and #4. and i'm like where the hell did all these boxes come from?? then i open them and i'm like ooohh yeah i remember that one time i went on ebay and blablablah. so many. god.

been trying to sell em on the facebook group spare cash and hopefully more things at the distro day at the substation come 28 and 29 january.

so far, temporary accommodation secured for at least a week. everything else when i get to brisbane.

2012-01-05T00:28:00.002+08:00

good grief. i don't feel real and it feels all floaty and murky. i'm still slightly sick, a bit of cough and the sniffles. it's weird and i don't like it.

2011-12-31T19:07:00.000+08:00

where is the line between loving yourself and being dissatisfied, thus seeking self improvement? both seem to be discrete things, but are they really?

and to complicate things further, both of these things seem to be used for both positive and/or negative ends.

ok too lazy to continue. I FIND MYSELF PLAGUED BY LAZINESS. or LACK OF WANT TO DO ANYTHING.......productive. ok i want to facebook, i want to make tea and drink it. i want to blog stupid shit instead of writing sequenced and coherent blocks of texts.

2011-12-19T02:18:00.000+08:00

Welp.

So I may be in a bit of pickle due to not reading the work contract and absconding. Will see what the assistant commissioner of labor has to say about that on the 23rd. Have a plan B in the works so I'm totally crossing my fingers!

Was at the goth event on the 16th a few days ago. Old and new folks are sort-of-but-not-really amalgamating. It's funny to see how the group has changed. Three years back saw most of the us being friendly to all and stand-offish to none. Now it's slightly more of the latter. There must be a group dynamic change flow-chart somewhere out on the internets, much like maslow's hierarchy of needs. Now we're in the omg-we-so-jaded-we-can't-be-assed-to-be-nice-to-newcomers phase haha.

The new people are nice-ish--I did attempt to socialize some. Met this really nice girl, this cute fellow as well as this couple whom I see in a lot of metal gigs. Lots of Caucasians in the new bits and drabs. Lots of random popping-bys, too. They looked to be enjoying themselves so that's good, hope to see them at the next event!

Have accepted the offer at Queensland University of Technology for the Bachelors of Health Sciences 2012. Will be trying to make the switch to human dietetics halfway through to further my quest of being a registered dietitian. If I don't, I'm done for. No really. This is one thing I really want.

Am looking for a place to stay in Brisbane, and the stupid real estate agent didn't reply my email for nearly a week.

But then the property will only be available for lease from the 27th Dec onwards, so maybe I will wait til then. THEN SEND THEM A BARRAGE OF EMAILS. Maybe.

Have written an article for use by a free international Russian publication for expat Russians, hope to hear from the friend who's helping me send it to their editor. It's all about helping Russians assimilate into the Singaporean food culture and how to deal with spicy foods and how to keep healthy and basically not get fat haha. Will definitely format it nicely to put into my own freaking website. I need a portfolio of my awesome nutritiony writings.

So far, I'm still maintaining weight. This has become a non-issue issue. I'm going to be living with this for the rest of my life; and may my life, and all ours, be interesting, as they say.

Listening to Lacuna Coil and My Dying Bride. Don't remember why I thought I liked My Dying Bride. It's too metal for me. Lacuna Coil is more up my alley, even the (gasp) newer songs.

mundanity, no?

Nutrition tidbit #8--More tips for cutting down on your calorie intake

2011-12-05T13:22:00.001+08:00

Unless you're actively counting calories and making a note of everything that goes past your lips, cutting down on actual food intake can sometimes be sketchy and over-estimated, to say in the very least. Why is that so? We're distracted by a million other things demanding our attention. How often is it that we sit down to a meal without checking our cellphones and Facebooking? Or simply just eating quietly without the company of chattering friends or even the tv? Or my favorite guilty pleasure: reading a book.

How else can we cut down our calorie intake, then?

To be honest, there is a degree of self-awareness required. Eating til one is 80% full is ideal, but this can be deceptive. That's because research has shown that given a bigger plate of food versus a smaller plate, people do actually consume more food from the larger one. Same goes with the experiment with people drinking from rigged soup bowls that refill constantly and then from normal soup bowls-- people do consume more food unknowingly just because there is more available.

Other than checking your restaurant soup bowls for rigged tubing, there are some ways you can cut down on your calorie intake as well as increase your awareness of how much you're really eating.

- Eat some fruit before meals. This will hopefully make your feel fuller so that you will eat less of your mains.

- Drink enough water daily. It's so very true that people do mistake thirst for hunger. Get some water drinking tips from my guide 'here'

- Eat from small plates. This is one thing you can learn from that experiment involving larger and smaller serving plates.

- Ask for smaller portion sizes when eating out. Usually, restaurant and food court serving sizes are humongous and is more than adequate for two people, especially when it's a multiple-course meal. Ask for less rice, less noodles, or even ask the waiters to pack half your serving in a to-go bag before you tuck in.

- Ask for gravy and dressings on the side. It's much easier to portion out fats (generally those are in abundance in dressings) when it's not doused over every inch of your salad / steak. What you can do with your pot of dressing is to dip a forkful of food in it before eating. That way, you should probably get the taste without excessive calories.

- When possible, choose soupy dishes. It's much easier in Asian countries I think, because we have soupy noodles, double boiled soups that one can eat with some rice, Yong Tofu (a selection of tofu/fresh veggies cooked in a soybean based stock soup, and served with rice/rice noodles) and Tom Yam soups etc. I suppose minestrone, especially homemade, does the trick as well. Just hold the cream based soups!

- Don't be afraid to waste food that you cannot finish. Some of us are brought up with the idea that it's a sin to waste food because of the starving children in (insert impoverished country name here ). But if you think about it. Excess food eaten beyond our caloric needs ARE a waste aren't they? And these wastes manifest as excess weight, obesity, high percentage body fat, cellulite, chronic diseases, and the list goes on. And it's not like you can (usually) air-freight the leftover beef lasagna to the children in Africa anyway. In other words, save what food you can save in the fridge, or in the stomachs of other people, but discard the rest.

This is it really. The ones that I think are most applicable. Of course, there are other tips floating around in other diet books, the internets, and even your momma. Like chewing each mouthful 30 times, or putting down your cutlery between each bite... But who does that, really!

keeping red dyed hair red!

2011-11-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

chalk this up as one of those things... rite of passage as they call it. i have RED underhair (bottom half of my head. roots to tip.) now!

i want to keep the vibrant red (or as I told my hairdresser... I WANT IT VERY OBIANG-RED--obiang meaning obnoxious in the local vernacular ) in as much as possible, so i've been looking out for tried and proven methods that people have used to keep red-dyed hair RED.

so far here are the ways that i use:

- delay washing freshly dyed hair for at least 2 days

- use a dry shampoo--basically, we want to delay contact between hair and water as long as possible

- wash in cold water, not hot

- wash briefly!

- for the cleansing agent, use a 1tbsp baking soda to 1cup water ratio solution--use this only on the scalp and roots

- for the conditioning agent, use a 1tbsp apple cider vinegar to 1cup water ratio solution--to be used on the body and roots of hair

- co-wash (use of conditioner only, and in this case, put a few tsp of dye into the conditioner) every other wash-day (days which water comes in contact with hair)

but caveat utilitor, hair behavior differs for everyone. initially, i was a little worried that the alkaline baking soda and the acidic vinegar will strip the dye from hair. but i suppose if one starts with a really dilute solution of 1tsp baking soda to 1cup water and adjust according to results, you should come up with a formulation that cleans AND leaves the hair color pretty much untouched.

2011-11-14T15:52:00.000+08:00

What does it take for me to be happy?

- good company
- good food
- good drinks
- man I dont know!

Anyways. I'm going to relax for one week doing absolutely nothing. Ok start.

2011-11-01T15:10:00.000+08:00

being moderately cold in starbucks. not eating. gotta do that for a while. i kinda miss it. just hot coffee and hot water. it provides an anchor while i do the whole relax from work routine thing. things are perfect like this. no matter how transient, it's transiently perfect. just the way i want things to be. things hardly go the way i want them to, and when they do, like now, it makes me inordinately happy. even more happy than the sound of really clicky keyboard keys when they are tapped. like now.

been up since 5am today. can't sleep. fucked up yo. today's meant to be my day off and tomorrow i'm on leave. and i can't even SLEEP to replenish zzz hours into my current state of inadequate rest.

fucked up.

cold is good.

ran some errands, booked my passport collection date, went to the doctor's for my four-month-long prescription (one fucking pill of yasmin costs a dollar plus, i just realized that), sat with coffee in the cafe, pissed coffee-smelling piss in the little girls room.

been crying intermittently on a daily basis. are my moods all over the place? i think so. overreacting to things. catastrophising. making the results of my catastrophizing even more catastrophic. exponentially expounding on shit.

my face iiiiiiitches. and i can't fucking scratch it because that will ruin my makeup. fuck.

i can only tap violently on my foundation-covered nose bridge with my manicure.

fucked up.

taptaptaptap. pat tapped spot trying to smooth out the makeup.

eyes are dry and scratchy.

time flies it's nearly christmas. THAT TIME OF YEAR~! well woop de doo.

gay fat ethnic boy diagonally across me is being a gayfag. GAYFAG. iknowriiiiiite. not reeeeally! like, ohmygawwwwd.

ok just had lunch. might have dinner later. bought shiny new bracelets!!!!!!!

2011-11-01T08:48:00.001+08:00

it would be nice to get words of encouragement on a regularly sporadic basis.

2011-10-19T19:30:00.001+08:00

Maybe life is just simple like that.

At pacific coffee now. Right beside the sea. Looking at the ship knowing that soon I'll be on that thing and having a great time.

Maybe just what's up with me is that I can't have a eventless life. There must be drama, whether natural or self-concocted. A problem, a solution, a storm in a teacup.

2011-10-19T00:56:00.001+08:00

i am fucking sad. and i have a right to be sad.

emo/musing

2011-10-17T00:32:00.002+08:00

Being alone makes being with people who truly matter all the more precious.
Being hurt makes a kind gesture from the heart all the more tender.
Being horribly insecure makes the transcendence to a confident individual all the more meaningful.
Being abandoned makes being found and appreciated much, much sweeter.
Being depressed makes every bit of joy a treasured keepsake.
Being blind makes every blessing of sight an oasis in the proverbial desert.
Being delusional makes the cold and hard truth a sobering slap in the face--a necessary evil.
Hang in there through it all and you will find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
It will all be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end.

It doesn't really matter. We all float in the streams of sub/consciousness. Yay.

I said all that. Quote me or die.

2011-10-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

gonna be on leave for the first and second of november, and then the seventh and eighth. apparently the others have already submitted their leave applications months before. oh well! aaaand im going on a cruise! i will!

things to do on wednesday:
fix my passport
get the roxy wallet i want from vivocity

something

2011-10-15T20:03:00.001+08:00

So many things that I've been writing in my paper journal that I'm not putting here. I fear I may have become even more reclusive. Not the most that I've ever been, but still pretty damn reclusive.

Why? This disconnectedness and alienation that might have been entirely brought onto myself by yours truly.

Of saying a lot but nothing at all.

To start again. Or else it's just going to eat away inside me and come exploding out some other way.

Sensitivity begone!

Nothing

2011-09-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

These past few months have gone by in a whirl and it's mostly because of the constant work-sleep schedule I've fallen into. A schedule that doesn't allow for personal interests beyond the cursory movie or outing within my sleep-starved means. i think this is the reason why lots of adults actually feel like their years fly by after they hit 30. As they progress up the work ladder, the multitudes of responsibilities accumulated occupy more and more of their time, encroaching exponentially with each pay raise and each promotion. This will usually make it impossible to have ones own life eventually, and once you bring work home with you, thats the end. Have taken to doing my nails with soft biogel. It's a phase, I'm sure of it. A phase that will last 4 more prepaid times. Wonderful nail place called Beautylane at upper east coast road. Introduced by one my own clients at work.Starbucks is so comfortable with their cushy seats and lemon blueberry scones. Its 10:39 and I still want to linger.

2011-08-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

very interesting. but i don't know what i'm feeling anymore. sad? mad? afraid? worried? yesyesyes. noncommittal? happy-go-lucky? aware? yesyesyes.

um. just very tired now. physically. yes. mentally. yes.

2011-08-06T15:33:00.001+08:00

I see another at parkway today. Took a picture.

2011-08-02T10:13:00.000+08:00

Been a long while. Again.
Let's see.. Just spun my cobweb-ridden CDs at a friend's birthday thing at hard rock cafe. Out of practice, but song selection was good, so I've been told heheh. Am working daily. Did my nails for the first time ever (and not DIY this time, but moar. With full-on extensions and gelish polish on). Got accepted into queensland university of technology, 3-year nutrition degree--means I'll have to work hard to make the transition into the dietetics course after one year. Cracked off the tip of my nail extensions for the first time ever..thank goodness my real nail didn't come off--that would've killed any forthcoming nail things that I'd do to my nails, EVAR.

I realize that I give myself a lot of stress. In fact, all my stress is self-given, because if I didn't be so concerned over situations, whether in or beyond my control, I wouldn't be in as much grief as I am in now. Letting things take their natural course is difficult because things has just got to be SO. And that's when things get stressful.
In short, I don't want to go to work today. Then again it might just be a hormonal thing.

On afternoon shift but I came early, a hidden blessing because I've time to blog and sit pretty at Starfucks.

Oh and apparently I'm eligible for advanced standing in the uni course but I'd have to start later, ie, not take the first sem but come in at the second sem. Nope, have sent an email via my agent to tell them i want to go in during the first sem proper. Kitty also thinks that it would be better if I could go in earlier because I'd find it easier to make friends and integrate into the new social structure. So excited! Looking forward to mugging again. I like mugging even though it stresses me out too! And RIDING HORSES! Aaagaagh. Happy happy.

Anyway. Note to self: don't worry, you're fine, do the best you can, let what you can't control go. It's ok. It's all ok. Kitty should apply this also, as much as possible; I will drill this into his head.

Don't freak out. Chill. Don't freak out!

Post Created Jul 12, 2011 2:27:14

2011-07-12T02:27:00.001+08:00

Seem to update only when there are meh things to say. Feeling very meh about work tomorrow. Very meh indeed

I know where it stems from. Expectations. Mine.

Post Created Jun 25, 2011 19:34:18

2011-06-25T19:34:00.001+08:00

Fuck the world and everything in it. Fucking stupid people and the annoying things they do. My god. Every day I keep everything in, not supposed to show it because that ain't good customer service. I'm ready to fucking explode. Aaaaaargh fucking fuck on a fucking stick. Might not be just pms. This tendency to be violent. Fuuuck I hate this feeling of lack of control. I can't control anything at all. I can't even control myself well. This fucking sucks. Frustration expectation perfectionism hatehatehate but mainly frustration. Will go stab something now thxbai

issues

2011-06-12T11:28:00.001+08:00

Works been tiring but fun. I feel like I'm sinking into monotony.
Might be a mood thing-- but really, how much can that be blamed.
... Just needs constant control. This is what I'll do: constant control.

Until i find a way. To not have to control but rather do what comes naturally.

They say I'll be lonely until I can fix this. Because my attention will be diverted.

2011-06-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

Ok so, rejected for sit. Didn't even get a chance for an interview..apparently there are only 60 vacancies for my course of choice so, well i guess most of the places would be allotted to graduates of junior colleges.

Going to try for an appeal for sit, or apply for monash/curtin/deakin/flinders/u of sydney. Basically wherever in australia that offers a dietetics degree. oh, and advanced placement for my diploma--if that's the case, it would have to be flinders or u of sydney.

Going to the agent's tomorrow for enquiries about how likely I'll be in for these unis. Thing is, my gps isn't that great due to my being sick and deferring and all. And I've no extra curricular activities to speak of. But I do have relevant working experience, ish, and my internship placement was good.

So far that's the plan. And I'm on my day off tomorrow so thats where I'll be at, 10 hours later.

update from work. literally.

2011-05-15T11:29:00.000+08:00

It's not often that I ge the (now) luxury of blogging. My netbook's keyboard is fucked, so I can't type p, a, z and !.
Anyways, work is busy, clients are nice, stupid, and I've been getting into trouble at work for careless shit.
Writing them mistakes all down and making notes about how I've been changing. Oy I'm now normal as fuck.
And waiting for the school to get back to me.

2011-04-07T22:46:00.002+08:00

i did ask for what i want, and i got it.

need to keep practicing that

2011-04-05T21:39:00.001+08:00

don't feel good. moods all over the place. crying intermittently. being sad and weird and totally not me.
it's all cause i can't ask for what i want and i don't stand up for myself. everything's ok with me until one day i realize it's really not ok. sometimes i don't even know what's ok or not, or what i really want. i don't know. i just follow. and i get shamed for just wanting to follow. cos it's not the be all nor end all. following is but a period of time before i realize what i want and get it. i still hate my mother for instilling that kind of shame in me. useless hate, in the sense of reversing time, but useful knowledge here, because at least i know what the fuck is going on and.....perhaps find ways to come to terms with it.

and now i'm hardly talking to people at all. it's all going round in my head driving me nuts. but i don't want to talk to people. i don't want them to judge. i don't want to feel judged even though they probably have better things to do.

and getting panic attacks at work. and then hiding in a corner and sniffling. and not being productive, which worsens the anxiety. being productive and hardworking is very important.

and how others see me is very important. i have just deleted a whole just-written paragraph so that no one, not even people i don't know, will see what else i really think.

what happens if i overcome that and just put it in? is it trivial? yes. is it mundane? hell yes. is it childish? definitely so. but that's just what i think. it's so very important, and it's controlling me.

oh well. i'll just put it in. i care very much about what you think. but here it is. exposure practice to the max yo.

and i don't see any point in continuing because i don't think anyone really gives a shit. he doesn't even care enough to change that facebook relationship status. and it means so much to me.

how can i not be such a control freak. passive control freak. whatever.

2011-04-05T21:17:00.002+08:00

why do i find it so hard to ask for what i want?

unless it really matters, i can do just that.

but when it matters, i dare not. i don't want to make mistakes. i don't want things to happen in the ways that i don't wish them to.

oh dear, i want to keep this up. it's so very tiring.

but then i guess life throws us things that we can handle. cos if we can't, we'd probably be dead, and when we're dead, we won't know nor care (haha i think). so therefore, we'd only encounter things we can deal with.

so sick of not wanting to talk and socialize. so sick of it. so sick of caring what others think, such that i'd rather run away than keep dealing with it. sick of being sick.

2011-04-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

got that massage. every bit of my back aches as usual--has always been that way because for some reason, my back is really fucked up and tense.

will prolly make this a fortnightly thing.

waiting for my friend to show up. probably won't. i think.

nowadays don't feel like talking again. i feel weird. and i don't like feeling weird. so i restrict, or rather, shun socialization. this could be a period thing so whatever. i'll just wait for it to come and go.

i'm so careless--am still working on it on a daily basis. trying not to get discouraged, and when i do, to shrug it off. discouragement and foul moods do happen, like now.

i will probably never be normal. i will probably never feel ok all the time. but do others feel like i do? i really think not. they are normal. they socialize. they LIKE it. or rather, they don't seem to find it as much of a chore as i do.

jeez.

oh. she's here.

gonna get some yums

2011-04-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

i feel like shit. not doing well at work because i'm fucking sick. and i'm fucking sick because of overwork. it is overwork cos all i do is work and sleep and work and sleep. and i am not having enough time to recuperate. not adapting quickly enough to this work schedule to get time to recuperate. i tell my customers all the time they have to prioritize themselves to recuperate and destress. but i can't do this. not able to.

so i guess it's my fault. too slow to adapt. well sucks to be me then.

just so tired all i want to do is complain. fuck this shit.

i will get a backrub then perhaps re-blog.

tired. sick.

2011-03-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

seriously. what does she really want? the moment i step in the door she tells me i'm treating the place like a hotel and tells me to go away.

i get it. i need to pay rent and shit.

i'm not messing up the place cos i'm rarely home. i don't really get clothes in the wash unless it's my work uniform. the rest are recycled clothing.

i live in constant fear of people not liking me. i'm so tired.

okay and i had 2 hours of sleep today.

totally gaining wt. need to lose some.

2011-03-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

i always get this feeling that maintaining my weight and outward appearance are all that i'm good at.
if i give it up, i'm gonna feel like i'm good at nothing.

2011-03-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

not a working day mood. the weather is terribly, terribly good.
for sleep.
not work.
i feel like i'm getting stupider than ever. i'm like reaching new nadirs of stupidity. or brainlessness.
and the sad thing is, i don't think i care.
i mean i do. but i don't think i can possibly care less.
mew

what i learnt from work

2011-03-17T11:34:00.000+08:00

customer service is a bitch but you learn a shitload of things from providing it. like how to be diplomatic and how to take shit.

people can be nice. but you never know. referring to colleagues. they can be nasty. then you know. lol.

work is as fun as you make it out to be. it is also as stressful as you make it out to be.

there are rules that must be followed.

one can easily fall into the mindless drudgery. mindlessness tempts. one stops thinking. stops wondering.

leisure is something that needs to be prioritized because otherwise, it's all about work-sleep-work-sleep ad nauseum.

2011-03-16T09:34:00.000+08:00

i really really dislike having to work under someone else's rules.

but then there probably is a need to obey some rules.. so what better way to start than here?

some rules are mandatory, essential, basic, fundamental.

sigh. why am i so troublesome.

its like i'm naturally the round peg in the triagular hole.

but really if can deal with the fact that i make trouble......
actually that's rubbish, making trouble for people is just.. noticeable and not nice. agh.

2011-03-15T18:49:00.000+08:00

eating a bit of fruit whilst on my day off at kitty's. and listening to some ebm. aiboforcen.

was on sick leave the day before. and i was actually legitimately sick. i had a temperature of 37.9 degrees celsius.

have just applied to singapore institute of technology for a degree in food science and human nutrition. i will have to draft my resignation letter soon. and the iffy thing is, i'm still under contract.

i'm not feeling much. things are seriously out of my control. slipping and slipping and slipping. it's like a constant free fall after leaping (with the intention of leaping to your death) from this place high up enough to guarantee death. constant free fall. waiting for the end that never comes. anticipating, waiting, boding. not enjoying the present--because the present only gives a reminder of what's to come. i'm barely holding on. i convince myself to just accept things; they keep reverting back to the initial control-freaky form.

i know i'm not letting myself feel. my need for approval is still as present as ever. it has not faded. only transmorgified perhaps, but its roots are still here. like a parent you can't change. it's there for better or for worse. is this gonna be a constant battle? that would suck shit.

i'm still pushing it down with stuff. using stuff as distraction. not facing up to it. giving in. rightly perhaps--but wrong to my own wrong perceptions.

i still don't know much of what i want who i am. the good thing is that i care less and less. very minute changes. don't get me wrong, i still care, but i care that i care much less.

i don't know if i would still rather stick to my guns and be unliked (not dislike, this is more of a neutral-ignore thing). or risk losing me (it's been done, doing, will do, doing... ish. the whole nine yards) and be liked.
balance--is it an option? do i have to keep WORKING at it? i mean, can't it be a maintenance thing?

listnening to the human abstract. digital veil is very awesome.

hungry. (going down to 7-11 soon)

for what, really?

for the truth. for what i need but i am afraid of. allowing/doing/being.

nothing, never mind, it's ok, i'm ok. blank slate. pseudochanging--turning round in a hole.

not happy. but isn't it my job then to be happy with what i have?---what's the difference? i know the answers but i keep asking the questions of these answers. creating drama out of tranquility. what.

2011-02-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

all i need to do now is relax. i will know what to do when the time comes. i am doing the best i can with what i have and the people are helping me towards my goals, if i am humble enough to let them. i will do best not to panic and overthink. overthinking and panicking does no good because what will come will. calmness deals better with new hours than panic does.

if i could do better, i definitely would.

i will not envy, i will not lust.

i will, i repeat, work with what i have. because it's all i can do now. true/true?

2011-02-23T12:01:00.000+08:00

brief respite from work. slouched at the counter computer. waiting for customers to come in. waiting for customers inside to go out.

that's all.

had kaya toast and eggs and coffee for brunch.

what should i do later? i end at 8.30

i want to sleep..

so tired.

2011-02-23T01:24:00.001+08:00

work is shit. no. actually, being tired is shit. and it's not like i don't sleep enough. i do. but the amount of time i spend dealing with work--12 solid hours, not much in terms of breaks-- is... probably enough to drive a saint batshit cursing mad. and i still can't type the last letter of the alphabet cos the key is dead.

and i think my sanity is going. i haven't been able to concentrate on work for the past week. could be hormonal in nature, god knows i've been on-and-off perioding for the whole bleeding month.

and i still know not where i stand. am i just a friend with benefits? like, superbenefits. like super-negative-benefits? which is a double negative? i dunno.

you don't tell me; i don't know.

but i suppose what i believe makes it true. in my brain at least.

2011-02-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

getting really tired. i feel like i'm going to burn out.

but perhaps sleep is all i need.

i'll see.

2011-02-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

fucking tired every day.

2011-02-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

this is really funny. is a sad/quixotic way i suppose. http://kailing86.blogspot.com/

learning to give facials and massages are actually quite cool.
am trying to pick up massage techniques from youtube lol.

having almighty cramps. CRAMPS OWWW.
spending hols at the computer and food and bed.
time passes. things are the same. sameness is the beauty of regularity and predictability and constancy.
everything is nothing. what you say comes to pass.
blaaah.
chocolate and strawberry flavored milk!
and filigree-handled hairbrushes.
bit of spring cleaning
requires a shooooower later.
and a facial exfoliating scrub.

2011-01-28T00:21:00.002+08:00

i feel like fucking shit again. must be this birthday thing. not dead yet eh? eh?

2011-01-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

all i swear by is: do what i will, an' it harm none.

people change.

the trick

2011-01-24T11:54:00.001+08:00

the trick now is to keep on keeping on with just 1/4 of your attention span on the reactions of your humanic surroundings.

too much and you lose the plot.

too little and you veer off into your own dreams, separate from reality.

i am holding up fine.

pay is shite. a biiit too low considering the hours and the number of days i'm putting in, plus added responsibilities. i'm thinking of how to go about asking for a raise.. *goes off to google*

okay. we'll see how my sales target goes. and that will have to depend on the trick. THE TRICK.

Nutrition (related) Tidbit #7--CELLULITE

2011-01-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

Okay folks, you've heard the gamut of descriptions from "orange peel" to "cottage cheese" for cellulite. And the backs of your thighs look just really ugly and dimply, especially when you want to rock that latest look involving micromini skirts.

So what is this cellulite, really, and how do we get rid of it?

First things first. Cellulite is the appearance of uneven dimples on the surface of the human skin where the fat cells just beneath the skin are over-engorged with fat, and there is excess interstitial fluid buildup between those fat cells due to the lack of space between those fat fat-cells. In short, it's like a vicious cycle--when the fat cells increase in size due to excess energy/fat intake, it traps fluid (water retention) that is supposed to move freely between the cells, and the fluid, which also helps to carry away cell metabolism wastes, poisons the surrounding cells with its waste contents, thus further inflaming and deterioriating these cells (fat cells, epidermal cells etc.) and THUS cellulite appears.

FYI, if one has an unhealthy lifestyle and/or diet, cellulite can also appear because lymphatic drainage (that helps to transport interstitial fluid around the body) is slowed and the wastes in the accumulated fluid then contributes to the evil feedback loop that poisons its surrounding cells and thus it's all a terrible mess that can cause appearance of not only cellulite but also water retention, pigmentation, coarse skin texture, skin conditions like eczema, and not to mention physical illnesses.

But to keep things simple. Now that we know what cellulite is, how then, do we get rid of it?

Basically, what we want to do is to:
1. Improve lymphatic circulation in your cellulite affected areas
2. Detoxify the inflamed fat cells and surrounding cells at the cellulite-affected area
3. Reduce bloating/water retention by releasing the trapped waste-carrying interstitial fluid
4. 'Break up' the clumps of engorged and toxic (trapped interstitial fluid carries toxic wastes from cellular metabolism) fat cells

And therefore, cellulite-free skin can be attained by:
1. Suction massage on cellulite-affected areas performed using machines (Presence III, Velasmooth)
2. Detoxification of current diet
3. Lymphatic drainage manual massage using lymhatic drainage essential oil blends
4. Water retention reduction aids (steam baths, wrapping with hot blanket treatments)

Questions? ASK!

love,
Your friendly neighbourhood nutritionist

update-that-ain't-emo. it's GAWFF AS FUUCK

2011-01-17T18:04:00.001+08:00

been a long while since i've had the heart and tenecity to sit down and decide to blog.
you know how there's some blog entries you write on impulse and it spins into something coherent and complete. and some entries that are half-assed prose because you just can't be arsed to mold it into some semblance of paragraphs. and some one liners before the advent of facebook status updates, a la "while i brushed my teeth, a bird crapped on me, huzzah" (huzzah--because FML hasn't been 4-chan'ed yet).

blogs were an avenue for rambling run-on thoughts. is. are.

at least i used to write like that.

and i think i'm back, at least for now.

i am poor as a church mouse, (because of my spending habits). but i was thinking, it's for now, and right now, spending isn't my priority. learning shit IS. because only with knowledge, not just product and service knowledge but the all-important holy grail of sale-closing knowledge, is how i can eke sales from clients.

so it's not too bad.

yeah and my bank account is running into double digits barely half a month to my next paycheck. because of medical bills, and chinese new year fucking sales. it's not funny, these sales, these mufuckers are not playing around because get this: topshop, zara, miss selfridge, promod, mango, bershka, cotton on, m)phosis--they are alllll clustered in one lethal cluster of lethalness ready to suck cash out of me with their neon and oversized sales signs.

and i'm starting to like massimo dutti. not that i can afford it, really. fucking marina square shopping center and all their myriad variant of shops that sell the same things but kinda somehow just looks different enough so that we're sorely tempted to buy.

but all in all, i don't need the clothes because all i wear at work is a fucking suit. i don't have to collapse into a huddle and slit my wrists because (at least i have a fucking paycheck and) it's the extras i'm wanting and not the essentials.

my learning progression is ambling along ok. i think. except when my warped sensibilities of catastrophizing kick in, and it's all or nothing, and it must AALLL be perfect or it's fucked ten ways to Sunday..

and I KNOW HOW TO PLAY WONDERWALL ON GUITAR NAO! i iz genieus.

and yes, thus ends my intentioned update.

i need to listen more to l'ame immortelle. they spark off my sense of take-it-slow-it's-okay-to-sink-inwards-and-dig-up-creative-juices-once-in-a-while.

How to get Festively Fit!

2011-01-02T12:37:00.000+08:00

Fit and Festive!

The festive time of the year brings along its perks of lots and lots of fabulous food, which, if you aren't careful, will cause you to pile on the pounds. On the other hand, keeping to a strict diet that cuts out all the sinful and fatty delicacies makes for a dull holiday season.

How can you have your cake and eat it, too? Just follow these easy tips!

Shift your focus to your family and friends!

Parties involve food, yes, but how many chances do you have to be in the same room as Aunt Rose from Australia or your long-lost cousin Sarah? And during the warmth of the festive season, no less. Focus on conversation with friends and relatives. The food is just an accompaniment to the company, not the prima donna. That said, it is therefore a good idea to practice…

Portion Control

Focus on the quality and not the quantity of food. Hence, you need not deprive yourself of your favorite food. Eat small amounts of it and avoid going for seconds. If you think this is not an option, go easy on your desserts or other mains. You can also try using smaller serving dishes to eat so the food looks abundant on your plate. At the same time, try to…

Eat slowly

The brain takes about 20 minutes to register fullness. So enjoy your meals by savoring the flavor of each bite. This way, you can probably eat way less than if you were scarfing down serving after serving of creamy pasta. In addition…

Compromise

Have lighter meal choices on days that you know you will indulge in party food. A small meal consisting of a sandwich and a cup of low-sugar soyabean milk is great! You can even have more…

Fruits and Vegetables

In addition to your other foods, fruits and vegetables can help fill you up with more fiber with fewer calories. Start your meals with a generous helping of fresh salad dressed with lemon juice and a little drizzle of olive oil instead of creamy dressings. Opt for fresh fruit for dessert. This can also help improve your digestive system, especially if you drink more…

Water

This humble molecule not only helps to fill you up and keep you hydrated, it also keeps your digestive system and kidneys in tip top condition for dealing with the extra, oftentimes richer food. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day, and at the same time…

Limit your alcohol and sweetened beverage intake

Many people do not realize that consuming excessive amounts of alcohol or sweetened beverages may lead to weight gain. Therefore you may want to limit your intake of such beverages.

You can:

- Choose mineral water, unsweetened ice tea or sugar-free soft drinks.

- Offer to be the designated driver so you will be obliged to limit/avoid alcoholic beverages for the safety of others.

- Give a firm reason for avoiding alcohol (e.g. being the designated driver).

- Drink slowly so that you can avoid refills.

Have a wonderful new year!!

love,

Your friendly neighbourhood nutritionist

2010-12-29T13:53:00.002+08:00

i'm just not careful enough with clients. i keep forgetting things.

that's cos i want things to be done FAST. ie. not meticulously.

not good. been getting into trouble because of that.

2010-12-29T01:00:00.000+08:00

my kitty stickers are shifting about. and one sock is missing.

2010-12-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

things i need to do
- be less careless
- learn the fucking treatments and prices
- just... be less careless
- sigh

thank goodness breaktiem tomorrow!
sleep.
movie
sleep,
death

sigh.

i keep messing up at work :( very traumatised.

rargh.

elaboration skills down to 0 srsly.
muu.

in depth update but not in length. whoohoo!

2010-12-25T19:02:00.001+08:00

so at work. now i have added responsibilities as a consultant in addition to my nutritionist work. that means i need to sell things--products and services ranging from facials to slimming to massage.

and as predicted, the manager will harp on my sales figures.

and i can't quite do it well because my sales pitches aren't there yet, and my client base is still in the works. and i'm not even familiar with the prices and shit.

but what i want to do is help people, or rather find ways that i can help people. more so in a win-win fashion because what i realise i'm doing now is a bit of a win-lose. i win and they lose. which isn't good because sales is all about sustaining customers so that they will keep coming back and spending more. it's therefore important to build an intricate relationship so that there will be mutual helping.

i've heard feedback from the clients at my shop that there's lots of hardselling going on. i don't want to do that. i want to win people over so that they can let me help them and vice versa.

2010-12-24T17:05:00.003+08:00

more reclusive at work. roarsigh.

2010-12-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

mistakes at work! oh well. i'm in a slightly more holiday mood right now. at least i get to sleeeeeep today later and the whole of tomorrow.

2010-12-24T12:16:00.002+08:00

my feet are pong.

gonna do a tea foot-soak later. foot-pong remedies here!!

must be a combination of bad diet and overactive sweat glands.

i've always had that problem with sweat glands. palms, feet.

must also be bad circulation. because i get cold extremities as well.

will update if it works--the tea anti-pong soak that is.

2010-12-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

yesterday was really weird workwise. all the clients were... WEIRD.

and i was like. am i weird or are they weird?

WHAAATEVER

got another few trials here and there

good.

roadshow tomorrow!

SOLD SHIT!

2010-12-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

i'd like to report that work's going quite okish. other than the long hours. but then what else would i do with my time other than GET PAID TO TALK TO PEOPLE?????

hahahaha.

ahem

*munches apple*

2010-12-06T03:19:00.004+08:00

people scare me--i take things too seriously and they affect me more than they would for most other people.

yet i hate being alone some of the time.

wtf man.

2010-12-06T03:19:00.002+08:00

people scare me--i take things too seriously and they affect me more than they would for most other people.

yet i hate being alone some of the time.

wtf man.

Nutrition tidbit #5 -- How to cut calories without skimping on portion sizes

2010-12-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

So you have been eating too much.

A Big Breakfast from the local fast food joint.
A set lunch from the restaurant while meeting business clients.
A grande frappe at tea-time, with whipped cream.
Rice and several dishes that you share with your family at home for dinner.

These large portion sizes have caused you to maintain a higher-than-desirable weight and perhaps to have outgrown your favorite clothing.

But what to do? You've tried cutting down what you eat, but it hasn't worked because
1. You get hungry and cranky and eating too much is really preferable to this misery
2. You succeed for two or three weeks, but revert back to your old eating habits because you can't overcome that hunger from the decreased food intake

Well, what I tell my clients to try is to take something low in energy FIRST before taking their regular meals.

Fruit for one, is my number one choice because of their good amounts of vitamins, minerals, fiber and water.
Vegetables on their own or mixed up in a salad (sans oil/cream based dressing) is also a good choice for the same reasons.

The idea behind this is: once you fill yourself up somewhat with these nutrient dense, but energy un-dense food, you would probably not be as hungry as you'd be were you to eat your regular food first.

Therefore, you would, theoretically, eat less of that plate of char kway teow. And thus cutting down your energy intake.

Tell me if this works for you yeah?

2010-12-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

very nice barista at bux with awesome memory. i mean, he remembered me AND my order when i've been there JUST once and that was three weeks ago. it's impressive and it makes me want to go back there more than the other coffee places that i frequent.

whoa. that IS customer service. i need to learn how to do that. cos i forget people's faces even when i've met them thrice.

so i went shoppeeeng on sunday

2010-12-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

it's so strange how i view shopping as a ... thing to get out of my way.

got some black croc maryjanes cos i lost my old earth shoes. god knows how i can lose shoes lol.

planned out my gift exchange things.

- nail varnish and lipstick for 29.80
- eyeshadow / eyeliner duo for 45.90
- iphone charger for 45.90

yeah.

i really want the eyeshadow / eyeliner duo though.

god damn it. when did i become such a girl.

and i'm selling more facial shit than slimming shit lol. which is funny. yes it is funny.

2010-12-04T13:21:00.000+08:00

omg made so many mistakes over the past few days at work. argh. bad mistakes.

2010-12-03T19:07:00.002+08:00

going back in for a while. might pop out now and again.

spread a bit thin. ish.

have to sort of convince the brain it's not bad or wrong. okay.

2010-12-03T18:48:00.000+08:00

work going okish. not teh selling but i AM getting used to the longer working hours.

i think i'm doing well.

not swell but well enough!

and somehow i've gotten afraid of new...bands, songs. discovery. getting used to. associating with. accessing. being in contact with. even knowing about their existence gives me the jeebies.

but maybe it's the quantity at which it's appearing, to me, that's scary. not too much please. in handle-able amounts.

youtube is good. things like that. one or two at a time. not entire discograpies.

meh.

off day. chilling. movieing. sleeping.

life is normal now. do i like it?

i suppose. i mean, look at the trouble that looking for new shit has gotten me to. but then it's fun. the trouble. hahawhat. toodles to moooovehs!

2010-12-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

11 hour workdays...

gonna hit workplace early to plan cards n shit.

today was and wasn't good.

good cos i learnt stuff--that i will have to revise to drill into my head, hence i'll be early in tomorrow

bad cos today was just... taxing and with customers i can't quite handle.

slowly does it, i suppose.

2010-11-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

it's good to be occupied. no time to think.

Nutrition tidbit #4 (or rather, psychology behind nutrition)

2010-11-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

What and whyfors of laziness: is it nature or nurture?

I think this laziness--not doing stuff/not wanting to do stuff, is due to one not having found the motivation to do stuff, hence the lack of motivation.

Hence, nurture.

Of course, if the person is naturally laid-back and likes to take things easy, this would provide some natural inclination to... take things easy. So a bit of this "laziness" can be due to nature.

It's not a bad thing not to want to do stuff, I think. It's a lack thing. Lack of motivation, of reasons that provide the push for people to want to do stuff.

The clients I see for diet counselling provide a very good example. When they realize that eating healthy food isn't thaaat torturous and when they realize how important eating fruits are to their immune system, they (begin to) do it.

I wouldn't call people lazy, if they happen to be 'lazy' according to social standards, I'd call them people who have not found the right motivation.

AND I AIM TO PROVIDE THAT MOTIVATION! yay!

2010-11-30T15:42:00.001+08:00

dammit another one bites the dust. i will miss her. why are all the good people leaving?

2010-11-30T14:07:00.001+08:00

FUUUUUCK. why can she sell the same thing that the customer DENIED ME about 20 minutes ago.
i'm just no good at convincing people. fuck.

grr.

done emailing clients!

will memorize shit now! but first, lunch!

2010-11-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

whoa. december=5 months into my work. time really flies.
it's even longer than my internship, which i thought never would end. yet... work seems fun now! woot!
need to do my nails. for work purposes mind you--handling client records, pointing at shit, calculating on calculators etc. and much as i like black nail varnish, it's a no go. damn.
so i'm going for skin tone colors. or dark beige. neutral. cool. pro. uh huh.
and i realize i'm still terrible at math. or rather, visualizing math. i'm gonna....need a hell lot of practice :(

Nutrition tidbit #3

2010-11-19T15:31:00.001+08:00

PEOPLE! STOP TAKING CREAMER! I mean, stop eating stuff with creamer in them. Super tres unhealthy cos it's mostly trans fat!

Really, I kid you not. I tell that to all my clients, and for those who actually cut out their daily three cups of 3-in-1 coffee, they immediately lose weight from their middle! I mean, there's serious inch loss going on there after changing to a creamer-free diet!

Food with creamer in:
- 3 in 1 coffee
- 3 in 1 tea
- 3 in 1 cereals
- creamer. duh
- almost all 3 in 1 things. read the ingredients for trans fat and saturated fat!

Bottom line: excess trans fat and saturated fat intake will cause higher tendency to accumulate fat around your internal organs=bigger bellies.

love,
Your friendly neighbourhood nutritionist

2010-11-17T15:54:00.000+08:00

researching foods suitable for pregnant women. actually just learning shit. since there are THREE preggo people in my workplace now... gawd the hormones are killing.

Food and Skin issues #1

2010-11-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

i think it's true that eating greasy foods will give you oilier skin, which may lead to acne.

i noticed my face getting greasier when i snack on chips or get fast food for dinner. otherwise, i don't get very oily skin when i eat say, soup noodles.

it's true.

but i will go on a fatfree diet for a week followed by a higher fat diet for another week to experiment some more.

shrug. maybe oiliness does not automatically equate acne, or even pimples, but it sure does create a good environment for cultivating them! PIMPLE PLANTATION!

Nutrition tidbit #2

2010-11-17T10:42:00.003+08:00

Insider info: On the Job as a Nutritionist!

Some people are afraid of nutritionists. That's really what they say, I kid you not.

When I tell them about what I do, they're like ewwww I don't like to hear what you have to say. It seems that there is a common misconception about what nutritionists do. We don't tell people what to eat per se--which is what they're iffy about--but rather, we promote healthy eating. Forcing does no good at all, yes? So why should we put feet into our mouths by giving unsolicited dietary advice? That's just... stupid. If you want info, we have info. Your info might be different from ours, hence that's why you are NOT nutritionists and that's why we ARE nutritionists (as we have gone thru some form of standard nutrition education, you have not--reading magazines and diet books does not quite count... how about human physiology??).

So, losing weight might not just be attributed to DIETING (misnomer, btw) and starving and crazy amounts of exercising, ohhh no. Talk to me, clear your misconceptions, clarify before you judge and deem us monsters who just want to take your delicious food away.

love,
Your friendly neighbourhood nutritionist

this is what i will do today.

2010-11-16T11:25:00.003+08:00

i will

: ~~send the iron email to the client~~
: see customers
: ~~learn about ultrasound~~
: have kaya toast and eggs for lunch
: do statistical analysis
: be hardworking
: go see sam

today.

will deal with tomorrow when it comes

it's almost 7pm now. not gonna do the rest lol. two out of seven ain't bad..

2010-11-15T12:25:00.001+08:00

i feel so lazy today. so not funny. hope no one notices heheh.
confirming appointments, sending stuff to clients, attempting to do statistical analyses...

AND WONDERING IF MANDY IS RIGHT (maybe i do have to learn things the hard way--i was never one to take the easy path... or rather, in my quest for the easy route, i fall into the hard one)
and wondering if there's a difference between faith and stupidity.
and wondering if these matter, because i AM thinking, too much perhaps.

one day. this skill will come in handy... this... overimaginative imagination skill.

2010-11-15T12:13:00.002+08:00

25th roadshow. kill me pls. it's at tampines. the WORST EVER ROADSHOW VENUE.

26th goth night! will probably be wearing black pants and shirt. lookin-like-a-ninjah night!

okay. not too bad.

very lazy day. very. lazy. day.

never cry again

2010-11-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

fuckin awesome song. on repeat ad nauseam

2010-11-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

feels like i'm going back to school again! the key is to keep practicing. for a million people i speak to, there would be ten rejections to one acceptance. as long as i keep regenerating teh thickskin, and as long as i don't give up, i'll succeed.

2010-11-13T15:03:00.000+08:00

ARGH ITS FEELS SO KILLING.
fucking fuck on a fucking stick.

2010-11-13T11:25:00.001+08:00

introed the local goth scene to a bunch of nus sociology students yesterday as part of their last lecture on sociology--youth culture, thanks to this really cool anthropologist professor's invitation. COMMUNITY OUTREACH PROGRAM! and i think it was a success:) well at least i didn't get booed off.

now learning about radiofrequency and ultrasound from our resident physiotherapist. how it melts fats or something. i still don't believe it works... i prolly just need to find supportive and relevant journals online. i can't seem to find any yet.

and seeing lots of clients who just had plastic surgery. is this plastic surgery season now or something..

and gonna be housesitting for pep and his cats again! can't wait to see pooka! and moira. but more pooka.

According to you

2010-11-13T02:54:00.000+08:00

stupid guitar solo in the last 3/4 tho

Nutrition tidbit #1

2010-11-11T18:57:00.001+08:00

Some clients ask me: why do they feel hungry quickly after eating something healthy, high-fiber, and fat-free as fruit or non-fat yogurt? They ate a good sized portion, but it doesn't seem to satiate as much as, say, ice cream.

Well. Fat in food will keep you satisfied for a longer period of time than say, carbohydrates. That's why people have alcohol with fatty food--to slow the absorption of alcohol into the blood. It takes longer to digest fat than other macronutrients like protein and carbohydrate, and least of all, alcohol. So if you take fruit--which is essentially sugar, a bit of fiber, and water--it gets digested, absorbed, and into your blood stream, subsequently causing a rise and then fall in blood sugar.

This digestion and absorption of nutrients in fruit essentially causes two things to happen. Nutrients are absorbed quickly because carbohydrate is broken down by enzymes in the mouth, stomach and intestines. The nutrients are absorbed into the bloodstream and into places in your body that require energy--might be the thinking brain, might be the beating heart, or it might be that papercut that requires healing.

This happens quickly. Thus you'd feel that, hey, I'm hungry AGAIN after eating that apple/pear/wedge of papaya.

What you can do is add some fat into your meal. Perhaps low-fat instead of non-fat yogurt, or even regular full-fat yogurt--just make sure it's one serving-sized tub and not a whole carton. Add some cut apples and strawberries to that and you're good to go for breakfast.

love,
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Nutritionist

2010-11-11T16:24:00.000+08:00

grrrr. it's not true that the body CANNOT handle uric acid. too much uric acid may be hard for the body to handle. but it CAN. it has to, because uric acid is a natural byproduct of purine metabolism within your body. what the author probably means is that the body can't transform it into something else, because all the body does is to excrete it via the kidneys and intestines.

that's all.

2010-11-11T00:08:00.003+08:00

it's NERVE-WRACKING! NOT WRECKING!

i'm gonna wreck their bloody nerves. jeesus.

what i did today at work

2010-11-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

decorated the christmas tree!
learnt a shiiiitload of product and treatment prices

aaaand just got notice that i'm going to get training at the hq tomorrow at 10!

WHEEEE

2010-11-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

sigh no heart to learn new sales thingy. just barely holding it being front desk and my own job.

half hr to lunch break

2010-11-09T19:32:00.002+08:00

yay mission accomplished! did the data entry and statistical... analysis.

but totally ignored the counselees in the afternoon. OH WELL.

dinner and home and reading and music and sleep.

2010-11-09T13:47:00.001+08:00

get over this. yes.

cos it sucks to be pathetic. and i am awesome, not pathetic. ok well i may be pathetic BUT only for a really short little while.

and it's luuunchtime!

things to do:
finish tallying data
pee
have lunch

2010-11-09T12:18:00.003+08:00

onward to analysis!

thinking of doing a part time business course. after i get my dayjob going for at least half a year more.

2010-11-09T10:58:00.006+08:00

worrrk. NAAAO.

no more procrastination.

but CAWWFEEEE.

muu!

oh shit. no facebook either!

ARGH< NO INTERNETS! and definitely no blogger!

2010-11-09T00:57:00.002+08:00

theres no way around it. ive a long way to go still.

watching seven pounds before calling it a day, that small thing bedamned.

2010-11-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

wellllll. dunno if its working. i'm tryina be ok.

yes. spelling und grammar is atrocious. can't be assed to correct anything.

sigh.

still can't sleep yet.

that's the thing. the one thing. the little but important, very very important thing.

i guess. i guess. i'm still there. still.

2010-11-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

did a bit of music and half of the khoo book last night. I AM PRODUCTIVE!

am behind in my data entry / analysis for work tho.

okay. good.

2010-11-08T13:23:00.001+08:00

brain not very working. i can't handle a lot of weird customers. i mean, i used to hide in a corner whenever i went with my mom to her facial appointments. i didn't like having to field the questions and deal with comments from the beauticians. or even just to entertain them. SMALL TALK WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

sigh.

sigh... maybe i should just stick to being a nutritionist.

2010-11-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

working in a girly spa does have it's advantages. girly support. girly talk. and ... just. overwhelmingly fluxative hormones.

must not fuck up. must not fuck up... i like where i'm working now. it's good. it can be boring. it can be exciting. i am FINE the way i am. i need to maintain my state of ok-ness, that i've worked so hard to attain, so that i can keep ooonn keeping on.

okokok. daily. go work. go home. sleep. read. starbucks CHAI LATTE. go on, go on.

read the adam khoo book. yes.

listen to sweet music.

go to the goth things.

i think that's about right. that's about enough.

and meet at least one friend a week for dinner. or lunch.

that sound like a good and rational normal-person plan? i think so. well at least i hope so..

omg i forgot HOW FUCKING GOOD VITALIC, ULRICH SCHNAUSS AND AUTECHRE are.. and just recently, amon tobin and telefon tel aviv.. they're very. twistedly delicious.

idm/iem for the win.

it's hard to sell things. i see m the consultant and i'm like. wow. how the hell is she able to manipulate the situation and.. just read people the way she does? it's just amazing to watch her do sales.

that's like, my goal.

2010-11-07T14:12:00.001+08:00

gonna get me some new music!

comordor (?? spelling??)
bardie johansson
machine like
giallo
bee and flower

and movies!

in the mouth of madness
necromicon
dagon
re-animator

knocking off at 5. to starbucks!

2010-11-06T16:23:00.001+08:00

i don't wanna end work..

MEMORIZING LATER

2010-11-06T12:09:00.004+08:00

learn products and prices. there we go.

and see if i can get the pap done today after work! muu

2010-11-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

well i went past home club... and teh river. and BEGEDILs. chilled with lish from 8ish till 1 ish. walkings and talkings!

we invented an awesome dessert combo: oreo mcflurry AND cinnamon meltz. fuuuuuck itts gooooood.

yes it's good. this is the expression you're supposed to make when eating the almighty amalgamation. lish is adorable.

deathdeathdeath *lunch* deathdeath *afternoon tea* deathdeathdeath *quick shower*